


Nate Lost—The Piece of His Heart Job

by crayonbreakygal



Series: The Team Lost [2]
Category: Leverage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 20:07:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6438442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crayonbreakygal/pseuds/crayonbreakygal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nate lost. He lost big time.  Every time in his life that he lost, it wasn’t just a game or money or anything small. No, it had to be big, gut wrenching, life changing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nate Lost—The Piece of His Heart Job

**Author's Note:**

> This was gut wrenching to write. Hope you all enjoy!

Takes place over a large time period and ends right at the end of The Maltese Falcon Job, season two

Nate Lost—The Piece of His Heart Job

Nate lost. He lost big time. Every time in his life that he lost, it wasn’t just a game or money or anything small. No, it had to be big, gut wrenching, life changing. All the other wins in his life had seemed too easy, like karma was playing with him until it bit back ferociously, taking from him things that actually mattered, things that formed him into the person he had become.

He lost his father. Not that his father was his to have in the first place. His father was lost to him even before he was born. Jimmy Ford would never be a good father to him. That much was obvious. Nate had taken his lumps from his father, from the berating at how smart Nate was, to the fact that Nate never wanted to take over the family business. Nate had wanted more from life than being a bookie, so he had set out early to make sure he didn’t become his father. Not that there weren’t small detours along the way, but as he made his way to seminary school, he knew this was it. He’d bested his father by becoming the exact opposite of him. And Nate hated it. He hated how it was all politics and pressure and it was not what he wanted out of life. Plus the fact that his mother was more the driving force behind him being a priest. After going to college instead, Nate knew now that he was on a better path, a more practical path.

He lost his mother. To say that wasn’t a life changer, he’d be stupid. She’d died right before he’d gone to seminary school. She’d been his rock, his guiding light, his reason for attempting to stay on the righteous path. Sure, he’d had his scrapes with the law. She’d forgive him every single time. It was in that last year she was alive, when he finally decided that she was right, that he needed to get away from his father and the life that he lived, that he decided that he needed to concentrate more on this kind of life instead of life on the streets. His attitude changed, his outlook changed all because he, in the end, wanted to make his mother proud. It was after he had arrived in Los Angeles, had gotten into an argument with a priest about something (he didn’t even remember what), that he realized what a big mistake he had made. Priesthood wasn’t for him, it was for his mother. He’d honored her by doing this. Now he’d honor himself by getting out while the getting was good.

He lost Maggie. Sure, it wasn’t intentional at first. They’d been in love, young love. She’d managed to work her way into his heart, to make him realize that schoolwork and other work wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. With her sweet smile and adoring looks, he’d fallen hook, line and sinker. He wondered years later that any nice, sweet woman at the time would have done just fine by him. He didn’t know how to have a relationship. He’d barely knew how to court a woman much less understand any of them. But she had been sweet, patient and in the end, ready to take him on. He wasn’t the easiest person to live with at all. He knew that from the beginning. She’d let things go, sweep things under the rug just to get along with him. The traveling helped a lot because they weren’t in each other’s space all the time. He couldn’t imagine what it would have been like if he had a job that kept him home every night. They would have been divorced much, much sooner. Loving her with all his might took too much work. She deserved better. Remembering his mother, he knew that he’d have to hold something back to survive if and when she left him. Knowing that it would eventually come because hey, everybody left him, he kept a piece of himself apart from her. Of course, when she got pregnant, he thought that had filled that piece, only to have it ripped apart and thrown away. She didn’t understand when Sam had died, that a piece died with him. It had been that piece that he thought had been missing. Fatherhood suited him, had made him happier than he had ever been in his life. He had thought though that Maggie had to be the one to make him happy. Only that was never in the cards. People couldn’t make you happy. You had to create that within yourself. What looking back could do to a person?

He lost Sam. It broke his heart, his soul when Sam died. His guilt almost crushed him those first few months. He couldn’t let Maggie in, so that she could see what it did to him. So he fell into the bottle so to feel numb. It took away the pain for mere seconds, but it did accomplish pushing her away. While he thought that Maggie should have been his reason for existing, he knew in his heart that it was his son that had captured it, having it twisted and left there to wither when Sam died. That piece that he had held back from Maggie that was freely given to his only son was now buried deep in the ground, to never reappear, or so he thought. How that ache deep in his chest would ever disappear was beyond comprehension. There were in some instances, glimmers of it, appearing in his peripheral vision, like it was searching for him, for him to come back and claim it. Then he’d dull it with whiskey and it would extinguish itself.

He lost Sophie. Sure, was she ever his to have, to keep? He chased her, chased after her, almost like it was a dream sometimes, almost like if he ran hard enough, was smart enough, clever enough, he’d finally catch her, not lose her once again. It had started innocently enough, where he had caught her lifting a piece that IYS insured. Only she managed to slip through his fingers. Time after time, she fooled him, until he finally fooled her, giving him a win in his column. She didn’t take this lightly and the game was on. She’d win one, he’d win one. She’d act like she had no idea what he was talking about, he’d banter back that she knew exactly what he was talking about. And she’d help him from time to time, strategizing with him for some other case all the while working her way into his heart, pushing against that piece that Sam had claimed as his own. Sometimes both pieces would be in conflict, the fact that he had made an unbreakable vow to his wife, to his family, to his mother that he would be faithful and true. Sophie made him want to break every rule in the book. Sometimes he did break some minor rules if just to get to see her. Was it cheating? Was the way he circled around her, react to her cheating? How many times had he gone to confessional and not told the priest about what was going on in his heart? It was because she was all his. He didn’t want anyone else to take away that piece that made him happy. He had carved this piece out for her. She was a part of him, whether she knew it or not. Her temptation was always there and the once that he had almost given into her, almost taken what she offered, he had crumbled. Only she had pulled back, realizing what she was doing, knowing what it would do to him. After Sam died and Maggie left, he often thought of her coming to him, making him a better man, because he never, ever wanted Sophie to see what had become of him. Until Dubenich approached him with a job did he decide that he needed to see her, at least for the job. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed her, her looks, her touch (which was so infrequent he cherished it every single time), her mind, everything about her. He never meant to show her what an ass he’d become, but she saw all his flaws and still stayed. Until she could stay no more, leaving him and leaving the team to find herself. He’d wrapped her up so tight that she ran to escape, taking that piece of his heart with him. It was ripped to shreds again, just like always.

He lost his team. Sure, they were still around, functioning, but not functioning like they should. He never would have believed that these four people could become his family. He had no immediate family left that he cared about since his father had screwed up so badly. Attempting to push them away at first, they all stuck like glue, having liked working together, to have each other’s back to make sure nothing went wrong. It was his crusade, it was their jobs. They were an odd group, he thought at first. They all worked alone before, except Eliot since he was ex-military and had his own issues to deal with. None played well with others. They’d sometimes go off on their own. He’d pull them back, berate them that they couldn’t go off and do a job on their own. Finally taking his advice, they stuck together, working like a team, taking the punches and the remarks and the hugs (which were not that often). Like a well-oiled machine, they all worked their strengths, learned new skills, and got along like a family should. Eliot would pick on Hardison who would get Parker into it, would have Sophie referee, who would in turn look to Nate to help her out. There was more popcorn and soda, beer and whiskey drank by the five of them in the two years he had known them than he thought possible. They were the four smartest people he had ever known. And the most honorable. Now he had lost them too.

Nate lost the con. Yes, this time he had lost. There was no way out of it. Sterling had been a buffoon, but he had lost to the man. He, at one time, had called this man his friend. Another thing he had lost. The four team members looked at him, glared at him, tears forming in all their eyes. He’d finally lost the best thing that had ever happened to him. This was the only thing he could do to get them out of it. Sacrifice himself for them, go to prison so that they could continue on. And that piece of his heart that they had all captured, managed to worm their way inside, would be safe. It wouldn’t break apart, it could be mended (in Sophie’s case he hoped). He would lock it up tight until he could see them again. They’d made him happier than he had ever been in his life. Not that they were put on this earth to make him happy. That wasn’t their purpose. He realized that now. Everything that had happened to him, was his doing. Sure, having Sam taken away too early had nothing to do with him, but his reaction to it had. He’d pushed every single good thing away from him until he almost had nothing in this world. He had his team now, he possibly had Sophie, although by the look she was giving him, he’d have to do a lot to regain that. Not that he minded. They made him happy. He was happy to do what he did. The kiss and the slap made him feel alive for the first time in his life. He needed them like he’d never needed anyone ever. He especially needed Sophie, but that would come in time.

When the FBI asked him who he was, he didn’t hesitate to tell them.

“My name's Nate Ford, and I am a thief.´ And a lover (Sophie and his bad timing), a grifter, a hitter (his fist hurt a lot), a father (because that group needed guidance), and the best of all, a friend and part of a family he never wanted to leave. They weren’t lost. He found them.

 


End file.
